The First Time

“I’m a little nervous,” she said, frowning a little. “I’ve never done this before.”

“To tell you the truth, me either,” he said, grinning sheepishly.

“Oh!” she said, brightening considerably, “Well that makes me feel a lot better.”

“Why?” he laughed, “It makes me a hell of a lot more nervous to know neither of us know what we’re doing.”

“Well,” she said, grinning devilishly, “At least I know if something goes wrong it’s not my fault.”

“I guess that’s true,” he laughed.

“Besides,” she said, “It can’t be that hard. Total morons manage to do it just fine all the time.”

“Maybe it’s because they don’t think too hard about it,” he said, “We might think too hard about it and mess it up.”

“I guess that could happen,” she said.

“It’s something that has to be done though,” he said.

“Oh definitely,” she said, “It’s not something that you can just not do.”

“And you know, with you, I just…it just seemed like the right thing to do.”

“Don’t worry about it,” she laughed, “I wouldn’t be able to do it by myself after all.”

“Well, I guess we should get it over with,” he said, sighing.

He turned back to her car and stared at the front wheel. “Let’s get this tire changed.”

Hard Day to be a Cop

Angels poured out of the rip in the sky in a never-ending stream. The blinding white light shone down from the hole almost metaphorically, as if it were illuminating the spiritual darkness of the city below. And still the angels poured out of heaven, landing in heaps in the streets of Las Vegas.

And this had to happen on the day I’m assigned to take the new guy around, Officer Jarvis sighed to himself.

The kid stared at the sky, his fresh face glowing in wonder and fear.

“Has this ever happened before?” the rookie asked, gasping.

“New one on me,” Jarvis grunted.

By now people were beginning to notice the tear between heaven and earth. Some screamed, some sunk to their knees and cried, some tried to run away.

“But what does it mean?” the kid asked.

“What does it mean?” Jarvis said, surprised the kid didn’t get it. “It means I’m not going to make it home in time to watch Survivor tonight.”