Dead and Dirty in Dubai Part 8: How Not to Get a Tip as a Waiter

Bear Grylls looked up from his meal. “Did you hear that?” he asked.

“Well gee Bear I dunno,” said Tim, “What’d it sound like?”

“This is why I’m famous and you’re only the cameraman, Tim,” said Bear. “It sounded almost like…a small bell.”

“There was a bell on the door of the restaurant,” said the doctor.

“I bet it was the bell on the door of the restaurant,” said Bear, “Let’s check it out.”

The trio crept to the door of the kitchen and peeked out into the dining room. There, they were horrified to see several zombies sitting at the tables, pounding their silverware and  loudly demanding their meals.

“Gee Bear, that’s a lot of zombies dontchaknow,” whispered Tim.

“Now look,” Bear said, pulling back into the kitchen “Things look pretty bad right now, but I didn’t get to be the most famous survivalist in the world by giving up when things look bad. I’ve got a plan.”

“Hello!” the three shouted as they glided out of the kitchen wearing the clothes that used to belong to the waiters of Luigi’s. Each of them held a covered silver platter in their hand and they approached the nearest table. The zombies looked up at them and grinned.

“Tonight, for your first course,” said the doctor.

“We’re just so proud to present to you,” said Tim.

“Your death! Um…second death!” shouted Bear, as the three whipped the cover off of the platters to reveal meat cleavers and other various knives.

In the aftermath of the bloody battle, the three sat on the floor exhausted.

“Where’d you learn to be so good with a knife?” Bear asked the surgeon.

All of a sudden, three police officers kicked down the door.

“Freeze!” they shouted, “We’re shutting this place down for not paying your rent!”

“There’s a zombie plague infesting the city and you’re worried about rent?” asked the doctor, amazed.

“You have the right to remain silent, so shut up!”

“Make sure you get this on camera,” Bear whispered to Tim. “Confrontations with armed maniacs always bring the ratings up.”

Bear stood slowly, holding his hands in front of him in a gesture of peace. “Officers, there’s been a mistake,” he said, as he grabbed for the nearest one’s gun. Unfortunately, another one of the officers noticed this and smacked him in the face with a shotgun, shattering his skull. Bear Grylls collapsed, dead.

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